


Under God's Radar

by holmious



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blasphemy, Cas is a tease, Crack, Humor, M/M, Voyeurism, dean x porn, plot what plot/crack without plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-08
Updated: 2015-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-03 13:17:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4102405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holmious/pseuds/holmious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>If you think about it, there's a</i> very <i>intriguing fact about voyeurism.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Under God's Radar

If you think about it, there’s a _very_ intriguing fact about voyeurism.  
  
It all started, fuck knows how many eons ago, with a guy named God, - who, besides the fucking universe, created a garden named Eden, or some shit like that - looking down at his creations having sex all the time. 

Take Adam and Eve for example; God didn’t get the hell out of dodge, metaphorically speaking, screaming something like _gross_ or whatever when they conceived a sad motherfucker called Cain to Earth. He just stood there, wherever _there_ was, observing. He probably even got off on that. He also observed the hell outta it when Adam and Eve conceived dear Abel, and so on.

Come to think of it, God was _and still is_ a kinky son of a bitch. He still observes his creations having sex, jerking off, undressing and shit and nobody appears to really give a crap. He's doing it right now, by the way. Do you give a fuck? I think not.

At least, that's the excuse Dean Winchester gives his best friend after being #spotted going through the porn section of a video store. His best friend - dubbed Cas, by the way - is acting so stiff he might break the stick up his ass. Dean snorts. Cas always plays the good ole christian boy card when there are strangers around, just to make Dean look bad. Dean knows he's never serious, though.

“You’re aware of what you just said being considered blasphemy, right?” Cas asks, crossing his arms. The mild teasing lilt to his voice betrays his stiff stance just a bit.

“You know what else’s considered blasphemy, Cas?” Dean asks, smirking slightly while picking up a dvd case. He shoves it right into Castiel’s face, “Ignoring this heavenly beauty here.” 

Cas bats away the boosty blonde displaying her (heh) goods on the cover. He tilts his head, brows furrowed in annoyance, "I’m afraid that ignoring _that_ would be a blessing, Dean.”

Dean places the hand holding the dvd over his heart, the other goes to Cas’s shoulder, he squeezes it. He looks at his friend with pitying eyes and shakes his head.

“Oh, Cas, you poor son of a bitch!” He laments, squeezing his friend’s shoulder once more before waving his hand in exasperation, “you know jack ‘bout life.”

Castiel cocks an eyebrow, “If _that_ is knowing about life,” He says, matter-of-factly, “I'm glad I'm ignorant, thank you very much.”

Dean scoffs, “Your loss, buddy." 

And, apparently, that’s the end of that. 

Cas tightens his crossed arms against his chest, "Dean, can we go now? I’m not feeling comfortable in here.”

Oh, Dean knows what Cas is doing there. It’s not Cas’ time to play, though.

Dean rolls his eyes, “Ugh, don’t be such a girl, Cas. You sure you didn’t put Anna’s panties by mistake this morning or something?”

Cas throws him a fucking _look_ , the one that’s so dark and stern that makes Dean’s skin crawl. _That shit’s scary as fuck, man_. Castiel's voice drops six or seven, maybe eight octaves (who’s counting?) as he warns, "I am going to, honest to God, shove this atrocity down your throat if you so much as say some shit like that again.“

Dean shudders. _Yeah_ , Cas gives him the heebies and/or the jeebies sometimes. He shrugs it off with an easy laugh.

"Feisty, huh?” Dean teases, extending his arm to nudge Cas’ nose with the tip of the dvd case.

Cas just stares at him.

Dean throws Cas an amused look before turning his eyes back to God’s most beautiful creation, i.e. women in porn, heh. He hums then taps the cover of the case in his hand, grinning, “I think I’m gonna take this hot chick home with me.”

Cas rolls his eyes, “Dean.”

“Gonna jerk off a lot to this,” he throws his friend a gross wink.

“ _Dean,_ ” Castiel growls.

“Okay, okay!” He rolls his eyes, “Jeez, man! Don’t get your panties in a knot, you’re gonna hurt yourself.”

Castiel smacks Dean upside the head, Missouri is really rubbing off on him, “Dean Winchester, I am going to smite you if you don’t get out of this place right the fuck now.” 

Dean pouts but only gets another smack, right on his arm this time.

“ _Now._ ”

"Ow!!!!!" Dean whines, rubbing his arm, "But…”

Cas just shakes his head, "And leave-” Dean whines again, clutching the dvd close to his chest. Cas groans in frustation, “ _Dean Winchester_.” 

Dean sighs, putting it back where he found it and storms out of the place, pouting all the way out with Cas hot on his heels.

When they’re out, Dean looks at Castiel and grumbles, “You’re a fucking asshole, you know that?”  


Cas, The Smug Ass, smirks, “I’ve been told.”

Dean frowns, “What’re smiling about? Ain’t nothing to be all smiley about.” _Such a drama queen._

Cas shrugs, still smiling, “Well, you know, it's always nice to see you do as I tell you to.”

“So… ya tellin’ me you like to boss me round?”

Another shrug, “I suppose.”

“So… it turns you on?” He teases, wiggling his brows.

Cas rolls his eyes yet there’s still a teeny tiny twist to his lips, “I’m not humoring you, just drop it.”

“Aw, c'mon, Cas!” Dean whines.

Cas just winks at him, _cheeky bastard_ , and starts walking towards the Impala, Dean runs his eyes down Cas’ back to his ass absentmindedly as he does so. _Damn boy_ , he’d sell his soul just to be ball’s deep inside dat ass.

_Shit._

He glares down at his crotch, “Calm the fuck down,” he chastises his half chubby under his breath.

“Dean?” Cas calls, making him look up.

 _Fuck_ , Cas is leaning against his baby, _shitshitshitSHIT, no fucking fair_ , hands stuffed in his pocket and that knowing glint in his eyes. _No fucking fair at all._

Dean finds himself running towards Cas. He places his hands on the roof of his baby while pressing their bodies together, “Y'know, you look really hot like that.”

Cas cocks an eyebrow, “Is that so?”

Dean smirks, leaning closer and nudging Cas’ cheek with his nose.

Castiel places his hands on Dean's hips and whispers against the side of Dean's mouth, “Well, I hope your hand will be enough to fulfill your needs.”

“Y’know,” Dean breathes against Cas' mouth, “If you keep turning me down, I’ll end up with a complex.”

Cas huffs a small laugh and tightens his grip on Dean’s hips, pecking him on the mouth just to distract him enough to shove him away. Dean groans.

Cas smirks at him all the way to the passenger side.

“You're fucking evil!” Dean calls.

Cas just throws his head back in laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry mom, it wasn't me. I swear to voyeur... I mean God.  
> Find me on [my personal hell](http://eonchian.tumblr.com/), kittens.


End file.
